


Armin in Light

by DeathSynonym



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, Friendship/Love, Hurt, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Romance, Struggle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-01-30 19:23:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21433414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathSynonym/pseuds/DeathSynonym
Summary: Sina Psychiatric Hospital is where Armin Arlert has dwelled for quite some time. While he’s been known for being the odd one of the so called freaks of ward 12, he believes he’s fine with his only friend Eren, whom he has a deep relationship with. When a newcomer called Levi is admitted to the same ward as him, and in fact the same room, he causes Armin to constantly question himself and his small, dark life.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert/Levi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	1. 1

ARMIN

I've pondered upon why most hospitals are so pale, white as their base color. When did it become a trend? Was it to see the contrasting crimson that's split? Rubber floors and pastel shading is a small appeal they have to a comforting environment, but the nicer colors stay with the pediatricians. The kids do love it after all. There needs to be a bit more warmth overall. It's sad how a sickly human dies in such a dead place. Such a pale place where people come to see the last moments of their beloved. People should be surrounded by architecture appealing to our senses. (it really does make an impact psychologically). Nevertheless we get sterile blinding walls, and chairs with poor cushioning.

I think about this so much because I lost someone dear to me in this place. I wish he were here. If my grandfather were with me today, I wouldn't be in a mental institution. He would ward off doctors and medicines, and keep me home some ways off in the countryside. However as he passed away, this was my last choice. I live in the Sina Psychiatric Hospital, an all male sanctuary for the ill. I will most likely be here till the day I die.

At least I get to be surrounded by interesting people, that is if you find mental illness interesting. I used to be infatuated with learning everything there is to know about the human mind. Had I graduated from high school that would have been my major in university. However when I my illness dragged me down, and I saw things that shouldn't exist, nightmares took over and I was taken out of school junior year. The next year my grandpa passed. That was three years ago. 

I haven't changed much. I'm still a scrawny, depressed schizophrenic. A schizo who buddies a room with a guy who has some serious anger issues, but he's my best friend. He lives in the same ward as I, the one with the white room that is frequently occupied.

Apparently a new guy is coming in. At least that what a heard from the nurses. Maybe they’ll use the white room too. And as long as I behave my demon won’t make me go in there either. He always tells me how wonderful we are together, how our ‘relationship’ could thrive with my acceptance. Sometimes I feel grief for my neglect of it, but sooner or later I’m reminded of what why I do so.

I don’t even know what the entity is supposed to be, if i had a sex… I had thought it should’ve resembled something akin to me or appear in relation to my thoughts, but instead I get a snarky hellian shrouded in dark mist (which always intrigued me). Charcoal skin that look like it had been roasted repeatedly and eye sockets that look like two black holes watch my every move. I never get an answer to my constant questioning of Its origins and purpose.

I sit in the common room staring into a novel while I think about the demon, (is it a demon though?) never really understanding the same line I read over and over. I squirm into the cushioned couch, trying to find a comfortable position. Eren, my roommate, sits next to me watching the TV that always has low volume. The others were here too, playing cards and what not. I shouldn’t care about them, because I’m sure as hell they don’t.

By the time my consuming thoughts had passed, and I seemed to enjoy the book I had in my hands, a classic, Little Women, someone decided to interrupt my story.

“Hey Love, I need you to do something for me.”

Of course. It’s scratchy southern voice told me. His shrouds of mist licked my skin, something I’ve gotten used to for quite some time. It puts Its arm around my shoulders, It’s claws dangling by my face. I am not in the mood to deal with this.

“Hmm? What is it?” I say aloud, I can feel Eren glance at me along with a couple others. They’re always wary of me. I wish that could just ignore it, but I learned that if I don’t respond, some… unfavorable outcomes may present themselves to me later in the night.

“I need you to check something out for me,” It said.

“Quiet, Fiend. I’m busy.” I say. I’ll talk but that doesn’t me I’ll get up for It. I can’t. I bring the book closer to my face trying to shrug him off, but supposedly not real arms tightened around my torso. I huff.

When Eren tapped my shoulder, I jumped in my seat, my gaze and my demons turned to him.

“Hey, It causing you problems?” He spoke. I smiled at me. He was so adorable when he tried to help me with my little problem, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. Or so I say.

But let's not think about that Armin, meh? You're doing great.

“I'm fine,” I finally say. Soon as I turn back to my book, It starts whispering endearments in my ears. I try to escape to my happy place. It didn’t normally work by the way. I knew what it wanted, what it wanted me to want. Sometimes I want to feel to exhilaration of it. But I’ve worked too damn hard to back down now. If I gave in, I would end up hurting the only person who understands me in this place.

Eren.

Eren came to the hospital about a year and a half ago. He has psychotherapy with Dr. Bram, who seems like an old soul who knows how to work around people's minds, however Eren think the opposite. Everyday he come to me with frustration from the contact probing of questions or spewing insults about ‘the senile old fart’. Very creative Eren.

Anyway, I think he depends on me as much as I depend on him. Everyone, even the freaking janitors know that we fit well. So why the hell don’t they let us sleep in the same room? It’s a mission I’ve been working on for a while, but every time I feel that I could finally move into my best friend's room I get the ‘oh there's some protocol stuff….’ blah, blah, blah. 

I cause changes in Eren more so than any doctor could. During meltdowns, when the nurses don’t seem to want to check on us, who takes control of the situation? I do. I coax him with endearments, give him love, and afterwards I curse him for his wrong doings. I know he’s gotten better, but he’s only healing because of me. Some of my tactics, I’ve learned from my demon. (maybe I’ll give it a name, but I think that’s too much respect)

Once he butted heads with one of the others, Jean. Bipolar narcissist. Poor bastard. But I’m not gonna go on about how pitiful he is, because I know he has no problem telling me (or sometimes showing me) how much of a freak I really am.

Dick.

One time he went to far, and caused Eren to go into a raging fit. It’s like Eren set fire to anything logical and attacked Jean like an angered gorilla with iron fists. At first I watched for a moment… Perhaps it was little entertaining to see how surprised Jean was, and maybe I laughed. What striked me as odd was that with all the commotion, no nurses were around to hear it. What the fuck were they doing? Smoking in the back of the building? Bert, with all his paranoia took his best friend and made a dash for it while I took control of the situation.

I locked my arms arms tightly around his body and spoke to him in chopped clear words.

“What are you doing Eren?” I asked. “Listen to me. Everything okay, yeah? Everything's okay.” I draped my body on his back and wrapped my arms around his, and he began to faltered in his punches. If I looked over his shoulder, I would see Jean in distraught meanwhile a few of the others had no idea what to do. “You fighting for me Jaeger, but I’m over here. I need you over here. Look at me, Eren, I need you over here.” That stopped him for a moment. with erratic breathing, he staring into Jean’s bruised face and arms. Before he could go back to his anger, I had dragged him off to his room to calm him down, before destroying him with how obtuse he was. I know it’s cruel, but it worked like a miracle.


	2. Rumors

When lunchtime arrives, Eren seats himself in front of me. Next to him is Juan, a sociopath, whose destroyed a great deal of furniture in his lifetime. He’s not one to actually make conversation with, but the small quips he makes can really hurt a sensitive soul. I acknowledge the two when they’re seated. Juan looks at me as though a bug crawled onto his plate. Typical little Cunt.

The great hall looks like a swarm of humanoid blocks. We all wear the similar one color sweatpants, without strings, and plain white T's. The standard uniform I suppose. 

“Hey, Armin,” Eren begins, He put his little ham sandwich down on his plastic platter. “You know there’s a rumor…. Someone new is coming.”

Yes, yes of course I have Eren, my ears seem to catch just about anything in this place. Some people like to have ‘connections’, but my ears serve me just fine. I nod to him 

“Yeah… About that-....oh” It’s here again. Oh boy, way to ruin my munchies. He notices my gaze past his shoulder and turns. He always try to ‘see’ It, but I never understood his need to do so. He also tends to point out when It appears.

“Is it there?” Doi. I just nod at him, and eat my sandwich.

“I wish you would just let go of your teddy bear,” The thing tells me.

Here we go again… It places It’s skeletal fingers on my friend, who tries to get my attention. But how can I pay attention to him when there’s a dark creature preying upon him. I can hear the sociopath mumble something, but pay him no mind. 

“It’d be so much better if you just cut him out of your life. Just cut him.”

I can feel the joy It’s feels the ecstatic flying feeling It’s persuaded me with for years. The ones I fallen for so many times.

Can’t say I never wanted to live out those emotions. I’d imagine that’s what freedom feels like. The ecstasy. But it’s wrong and cruel. I’ll never stoop down to that level of complete madness. And I could never live with myself if I hurt Eren in any way shape or form.

Still, I can feel myself smile with a crooked grin. The feeling of giddiness rolling around in my stomach.

“Armin?”

I should distract him. I should distract myself.

“Just take control and give yourself happiness. Joy. He’s only holding you back. Holding you back from a word of beauty, void of the pain in your head…”

“Ugh.. Yea- No. Just go away.. Not now…” I clutch my head as Eren hears my mumbles. I hear his chair screech on the floor, my ears feel like they might bleed. A chorus controls my mind... persuasion… ethos… pathos… and logos…. It always seemed to make perfect sense in every way. Everything I’ve ever heard from that scratchy voice throughout the years crashes my mind. My head's on fire and tears begin to moisten my eyes. I know the pattern that haunts me, yet I don’t know how to progress. You know how hard it can be when you know you’re having a panic attack but can’t do anything about it? Vision will soon leave me, and I’ll seem dead to the world soon. 

Where’s Eren?

Where is he?

EREN.

EREN

...help. 

Even with my eyes open and full of salty tears, everything seemed to get darker. 

19 hours in slumber...

I realize that my consciousness was beginning to fade in when I hear a sweet voice bouncing off the walls, followed by a softer deep chuckle. The awkward beeping of the heart monitor brought me to my senses. Prying my eyes open (I know the feeling all too well), I could see the auburn rust hair of my favorite nurse, Petra. Her tennis shoes skid on the floor as she leaves the room. She must have been checking my vitals. The door clicks and I sighed.

Sitting up on the bed, I noted that the the sun was high in the sky, sunlight filtering through the ugly orange curtains behind me. It was morning. I must have been knocked out for about a day, or even more. I hope the first thought was real, I know Eren likes to fret over me when I’m out like a light in the care rooms. Worry wort, he is.

This sort of thing didn’t happen too often, but often enough to know exactly what it feels like to wake up in a hospital bed. Breakdowns and blackouts suddenly become more terrifying they should be. I’ve talked to Doctor Martinez about this, my personal shrink, but all I got a couple more pills added to my morning heap and and an extra 30 min of therapy. The anti psychotic pills that clear my mind do help greatly, but I wish I could truly heal, or at least control these meltdowns that has become my trademark here. With a stronger mind I could definitely take a step forward. It’s been too long without a good transition. Dr Martinez wants to try a different meditation again. I constantly been exposed to my demon but have yet to have a moment truly to myself with a constant state of peace of mind.I guess I'll have to try harder, because if I don't I'll keep deteriorating until I am no more.

I stretch my arms, wary of the IV tube in my arm . My face slightly contorts frown at the equipment if seen one too many times. Staring at it, I decide to take it out of my arm. Again. I’ve never been a big fan of needles and Petra knows that. She’ll give me a look and I’ll give one back. She has respect for my dislikes and is definitely unlike the other nurses who talk to me like a dog. Sometime I feel like one, so that doesn't help either. I remember well when a newbie nurse decides to poke me in the wrong place leaving me with a numb spot in my arm for days despite frustrated comments about the damn thing. 

Little cunt.

Anyways Petra should come around soon and she’ll internally scream at my ‘ignorance’, but we’ll deal, and she’ll always be my favorite, cause the nurses here can be downright awful.

The clocking of shoes outside the door, attracted my attention. Hopefully it's her. Once we get up outta here I’ll be able to feel better with my best friend and my own room. Maybe I’ll let him take a nap in the empty bed tonight, it’s not too hard to do.

“Morning Armin, how ya feeling Love?” a broken voice called out. Definitely not Petra.

“A bit…..groggy,” I say. My eyelids drooped. I turn to my demon. Not my favorite thing to see in the morning but a common sight nonetheless. Slowly, I got up and stretched my body. It feel heavy like the weight of my mind was placed on my back. I go to use the bathroom which had a built in urinal like most of the patients’ rooms. “Shouldn’t you be apologizing right about now?” I call out to him warily.

Why am I always so fragile around him? 

“Now you did that entirely on your own, Love,” it responded. “We should do something fun today,” It stated. 

I sighed. It acts just like a child sometimes. But instead of ‘hey! Let's go to the park!’ It's ‘hey! Let go terrorize your only friend. Oh by the way I’m a never-ending problem you'll probably die with. Oh are those your meds? Well looks like your not taking them, oh no. I'll make sure you won't sleep tonight.’

Bastard.

“I believe you’ve already had your fun, so no, we’re not doing anything today.” My words were bitter. A sudden feeling of independence I managed to grasp.

“No?” It questioned.

“No.”

After washing my hands I crawled back into bed, snuggling into the scratchy blanket with a loud huff. Demon Bitch Ass. That's should be his name. Before I knew it, my demon forced my body halfway across the bed so It had space to lay down as well. I refused to believe he can actually move me so I pretended I moved myself so that thing could cuddle me. I give out a shuddering sigh. It began to drag its claws through my golden locks. But It shouldn’t be able to, because this all transpires in my head, right?

Right.

“I don’t like this,” I say softly.

“I know.” It’s deep scratchy voice responds.

“I hate you.”

It hummed at my statement as a mother would do at her child's rambling nonsense. We lay still as It’s shadows drape over my body, making me feeling colder than before. How does it find pleasure in this… this contact? I know It must be lonely, but why must It bother me?

Because it can’t bother anyone else. Because it’s all in my head.

I almost fall into a light sleep when the door clicks open. I open my my eyes to see my nurse in shining armor.


	3. We Got a Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup.

“Heya Armin, how do you feel?” Petra’s voice echoed through the room.

I repeated what I said to my parasite.

“That’s to be expected,” She said, “Lemme check your vitals and I will tell Doctor V whats up!” Doctor V is one of my doctor. SHe take great care of and seems to enjoy her job which makes my life(and others) much easier. No body like living with a grouch.

The first thing she notice was my missing IV. Petra gave me knowing look and sighed. She continued with some standardized tests that gives me the all clear to go.

“So, what happened this time. Same old same old?” She questioned helping me get to my feet.

“Yeah..” I say to her. “It’s really a pain in the ass you know. Especially for this little twerp who can't stand loud noises.” I say, pointing to myself. She hugged me   
“....Remember not to give it any names, okay?”

That's right don't give it names, it's not a pet and I will get rid of it someday.  
… I hope.

Petra gave me a pair of plain grey slippers and began to lead me through a maze of hallways we knew by heart. We made small talk along the way.

“So Petra…” I started. My tone suggest I was going to ask her something I shouldn’t ask ‘normal’ staff

She looked at me. “Yeah?”

“I heard a rumor about a new comer.” A twitch in her smile, it seems like she might laugh. “Might that be true?” I tilted my head downward and look up into her eyes. She turned to me stopping in the hallway as the common room doors came into view.

“I met him actually. Odd one he is. Real quite.” She said. When she started walking again, expecting me to follow. I stepped forward and stopped her hastily.

“That’s all your gonna give me, Petra? Really?” I was just a tad aggravated. She knows what’s up and I need my fill. The jig is up, girlie. She turned back to me grinning. She still managed to look like an angel.

“Yeah, pretty much,” She stated. I raise my eyebrow. “It’s kinda classified for now.”

We continue our walk, our steps the only sound in the hallway. At the metal door we stop and she pull out her keys, but instead of unlocking the doors, she turns to me with her arms out wide. I stepped into her arms and accepted the token. 

“We don’t know much, but I feel like he’s gonna need a friend when he gets here, and I think you need one too.” she said with a cheeky smirk

Another friend? Funny. I'm pretty sure he’ll shy away from me like many have done before.

“What are you trying to say?”

“You finally got a roomie. Well, at least I think, details are still being worked out, but yeah.”

“Name?” I ask lowly.

“Levi,” Petra replies “He might be a bit rude, but I’m sure you guys’ll be good.”

“We’ll see,” I said. She unlocked the door with a key card a let me in. I bowed my head slightly “Thanks Petra.” She nods.

“Bye, Armin.”

The doors closed behind me, and it’s a good thing they did because I would’ve been flat on the floor if it hadn’t there to capture the impact of Eren's Tackle. His head almost collide with mine as when he put his whole weight on me.

(Ooof)

Then suddenly he was off of me. I’m used to the hospital visits, but this here, no. I don’t think that something my mind would get use to, nevermind my body.

“Yo! Your back! I missed ya Einstein!”

I rubbed my torso. “Yeah I could tell.” Eren began blabbing what he’s been doing without me. (since he doesn’t associate with the other because of me) I let him lead me to the tall table while he speaks.”

“... Hey, wanna play cards?”

“Sure, Eren.” He reaches over to a shelf where a deck is hidden in the corner. We pick out a game and he starts passing out the cards, one for me and one for him. One, me, one, him.

Nearing the end of the deck Eren asks me a question.

“So.. did you take out you IV again?” he asks.

“Yep.”

"Loser."

He raises his eyebrows and puckers his lips.

“Don’t look at me like that, you knew what was coming.” I shook my head a little, letting my blond hair whip around for emphasis.

Eren laughed it off, and guided me back to the love couch we normally sit in, reading books about anything and everything the common rooms bookshelves have to offer. It’s not like the TV has anything more interesting, the selection of what unstable people should watch has become limited to all of us, because our varying degrees of insanity. I catch the look of Big Blondie Reiner. He gives me nod. A welcome back I suppose. I would say he my delusional pal, but he ran with the crowd of the more…. The more normal people in the ward and stayed away from me. 

It makes sense though. If you want a social life here you gotta go with the flow.

Which apparently I’m not in.

I give him a ‘sup’ nod and smile. He smiles back. Awww the cutie patootie!

Heh, I wonder what he would say to that nickname.

I turn back to Eren and we talk about trivial things. What was for lunch? How are you feeling? Are you going outside today? Anything change while I was knocked the fuck out? It’s almost like a ritual of society. Small talk that is, like an appetizer before the meal. And as soon as Eren and I’s appetizer seem to vanish, I tell him about the new info I acquired from my favorite nurse. I lean on Erens shoulder, catching his attention.

“So I found something about the newbie,” I breathe into his ear. Eren pulls back to look at me.

“Oh really? So the is a newcomer?” He whispers back, all the while grinning like a kid whose found Santa. I nod.

“Oh yeah, names Levi apparently,’ I whisper again. Eren looks at me strangely before speaking.

“.... Why are we whispering, nobody really cares,” he asks. I look at the other in the room then turn back to Eren to look him in the eye.

“This is my data, I’m not sharing it with those fools, they’re undeserving of my knowledge.” Eren chuckles at my poetic aggression. I laugh with him.

But I’m still serious. I won’t give without a gift.

Little cunts.

Eren and I spend the next couple of hours spewing jokes about the nonsense of our lives before it was ‘lights out’.


	4. Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enter : Levi Ackerman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo drop a comment and tell me what ya think! I love constructive criticism btw. Any ideas? Thing you'd wanna see? Or did you want it to be all a mystery?

The Following Day

The garden isn't that large, but it’s pretty, compliments of the guys who love getting their hands dirty for fun. Benches are scattered around for us, as we are expected to sit , be quiet and get some fresh air once and awhile. Eren and I normally bring out a deck of cards, but today sunbathing with Eren sitting next to me, feeling the soft breeze pass us, was all I needed at the moment. This is how I like to pass the time, away from the other men, next to my best friend, getting the closest thing to forgetting the world around me, and all the thoughts I harbor seem to drift away. I always enjoy the weather when I can, for when winter comes, we don’t get out so often. We have to kill time in other ways, waiting for our next evaluation.

I can hear Eren fiddling around with a couple screws he found, the soft clicking of the metal doesn't bother, but make me feel content that he’s by my side. He keeps an eye out for me, which I will always deeply appreciate. I doze off in the warm blanket of sunlight. I feel at peace, the sun, silence, and friend. My paradise.

An hour passes and my favorite part of the day passes. When Eren helps me get up, my illusion is shattered and my heavy mind is slowly weighing down upon my shoulders. A few of the nurses lead us to the ‘soft room’, one with an observant eye, and frown plastered on their face. She looks at me like I’m scum. She slams open the door and makes a sharp beckon for is to enter. She scan each if out face as we enter with the scowl. The door slams behind us. Probably from fear.

Bitch.

The soft room is used for group therapy, which I actually like. It covered in green and silver cushion chairs and bean bags.

Being here gives me a chance to say what’s on my mind, and to just get it out there. Even if some don’t care much or at all. It’s a nice feeling though, when they are respectful when I speak of my hardships. In group therapy we’re kinda there for each other. Big Blondie Reiner sits next to me, and next to him sit a tall dark haired man by the name of Bertholdt. I never really spoke to him, even though he’s been here for about a year, but I don’t think he hates me. When I make eye contact with him Bertholdt gives me a wary quick nod.

I sit in the cushioned chair, and stare at the drawings plastered all over the wall by previous patients, some whom I've shared a goodbye with. Then a doctor most us know well comes. Our dear Dr. Varrow, although most of us call her Ms. V. She’s a kind woman to us, and sort of like a caring mother than a psychiatrist. As a matter of fact, she told me she chose to work with people like us because of the want to just help ease the pain she’s never experienced. She has a nice soul and tries her best despite the hard mental shells the people of the Sina Psych Hospital have.

“Good morning everyone!” She begins. Our one only tree, Bertholdt raises up to hesitantly hug her. I think he developed some sort of attachment to her. Sort of like a son sticking to the leg of his mother. She kisses his cheeks and returns Bertholdt’s hug. I might envy the beneficial relationship he has with a doctor, but I shouldn't dwell on that too much. I look to my right where Eren sits, observing Ms. V as she asks us how are day has been. I end up speaking about the weather, it’s so beautiful out today, I wish I could go out some more. I hope she can try meditation with me outside while the sun shines. Apparently my little quip about outside remind Eren of how much freedom he used to have, and the adventures he went on with his friends. 

“Yeah, Mika and I would always go this huge oak tree, I mean it was huge! About 10 meters at least. Mika and I would go up there everyday…. I guess it was kinda like a hideout for us… Ya know in the branches and stuff…: Eren smiles to himself reminensing his past with his sister. Suddenly his grin is gone, and an irritated look crosses his face.

Dr. Varrow speaks, “Eren, are you okay?”

“Yeah. yeah, I was just… thinking ‘bout something.” I pat his back and releases an angered huff. Probably just a bad memory. He put his hand into his pocket to fiddle with his screws.

After Reiner added some thoughts of his own to the collaboration, and quick moment quietness fell upon us. I think we’re done sharing today. Before the silence became too awkward (especially for Bert), Dr. V asked Jean if he wanted to add. He never really did say much but if he did it was some pretty damn emotional stuff. 

“No,” Jean replied. Varrow tried to get him to say something small or just the simplest things on his mind. Before she could try to coddle him any future a knock was heard at the door. We all turn to see who it was when the door creak open with Petra and a short man with raven hair. The newcomer?

Oh, boy, oh boy! I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

“Hi, Evelyn, your new patient’s here,” Petra says. I could see him glare at her for calling him a ‘patient’. Nobody really likes the fact that they have to get catalogued here, labeled as insane.

“Oh, good, we have some more time before session is over, come in,” she said with a heart warming smile, which the newcomer didn’t seem to take a liking too. His eyes lingered on each as he was guided to an empty seat next to Daz, who was the quietest human I’ve ever met, almost like a mute but without much movement. Levi glared at him before looking at Varrow. Eren whispered ‘first day jitters’ and giggled in my ear. I grinned to myself as well. Everyone loves something new and perhaps I can snatch this one up before the other persuade him with they’re dehumanizing speeches about me.

Ms. Varrow stood up, strutting to the newcomer. 

“Welcome!” she said excitedly. “ It’s a pleasure to see you again.” She held out her hand for him to shake. At first while it stared at the ‘offending’ limb, I thought Levi (what a lovely name by the way) was just gonna sit there and make a fool of himself, but when he actually met her eyes and took her hands in his (without too much disdain), I was a bit taken aback. From the way he glared the rest of us, I thought he’d be another Daz, but more hateful. “So why don’t we all introduce ourselves, hmm?” She looked to Levi and suggested he start first. “Your name?”

A moment of uncertainty passed his features. “....Levi.”

He suddenly found the floor very interesting. Poor soul, he probably freaking out on the inside, like Bert is. Bertholdt was never one for sudden changes, so when he says his name you could hear the tremble in his voice, which Reiner held tight. Dr. V gave him a reassuring nod.

The rest of us went around saying our names, and if some of us were brave enough, we’d say something about ourselves. Levi managed to look bored through and through, looking as though he wanted to be anywhere except here listening to the 9 crazies of ward 12.

Armin, The Depressed Schizo

Eren, Mr. Angry

Daz, #silentforlife

Juan, Borderline Sociopath (piece of shit)

Reiner, DID and occasional big brother

Bertholdt, I Don’t Even Know How Someone Could Have So Much Anxiety

Maddox, Bipolar As Fuck

Alexander (and occasionally Miranda, Tod, and Jerreth), DID

Jean, An Asshole (narcissist)

And now there is Levi, the new addition, I’ll soon give him a name in my notebook as well.

I doubt he’ll take the time to actually remember any of these names. But soon Levi might realize that these names are who you see everyday, the people you make friendships with, and those you may rely on during a rough patch.

Group session ended soon afterwards (Levi was awkwardly shooed off with the rest), as everyone began to leave, following nurse Petra, one of the many people who had our ward code. Suddenly Dr, V asked me to stay behind and herself. Ooh La La. Was I to be an escort for the new one now, was I?

“Yes?” I greet her, a smile dancing on my lips. (yeah I know I can be a little shit like that)

“Hey Armin, I wanted to know your opinion of… having a roommate.” she suggested.

It’s not Eren. If it were about Eren, then she would have presented the news straight up to my face, or just told Eren to just move his shit over to my room.

“...Levi, right?”

“Yes.”

Maybe I can get this one to myself.

“I wouldn’t mind, but surely he would… You know I get very restless at night.” I tell her. The nightmares are surreal, and everyone that lives in ward 12 knows the screech of fear if they don’t scream themselves.

“Exactly!” she exclaims. I’m not following. I squint my eyes at her telling her so. “Nobody else but the two of you have extreme nightmares, so I was thinking, if it’s okay, that you guys could perhaps warm up to each other. It could really have a big impact on how you view the night terrors when you have another who has the same emotions and experience running through their head.”

That sounds pretty legit, but it sounds more like a hypothesis with no experimentation done. It sounds like she just grouping us now, but could it work? Keeping the night owls together so they can share restlessness?

“And should it backfire?”

“If there is anything wrong we’ll move him another room, but I think this’ll work out fine.” she spewed with confidence.

“Hopefully. Is there anything I should know about him?” I ask.

“Not much I can say, unless he says so himself, but he’s been through alot. Just had an honorable discharge from the military. Poor Babe.”

Oh. A number of things could have happened that led him to this place. There are so many things out there that can truly scar soldier, many of which are just never meant to be seen.

“Hmmm…” A moment of silence passed between us. Probably for the loss of Levi’s sanity. I snapped out of my trance when Dr. Varrow started walking towards the door. 

“Well let me get you back to the common room, Armin. I’m sure you have warm Sina Hospital welcome to give.” she giggled. I was about to smile too, until I noticed a shadow in the corner of my eye. I moved along without looking back

Awww… Always so insensitive aren’t you Dearie?

I talk to Dr. Varrow about going outside to meditate tomorrow. Were booked together next session which is in a couple of days. When she opens the common room for me I wish my demon would stay behind the shut doors with her. He seemed content with silently trailing behind me while I head to me room…. With my new roommate.

Oh, what do we have here? A friend? I don’t think so.

Well, I was so looking for torment today anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, what do we have here? A new chapter? But no way this story is dead! In fact this whole profile is dead! Well it was. Key word being was. I took a long break from writing because I was inspired, but now for some reason my brain has been telling me lately to write more and i have a new story, but i want to finish one of my work first seeing as I never complete anything.
> 
> Well enjoy this chapter and you'll see another one coming soon!  
I love each and every one of you weebs!

“I wouldn’t mind, but surely he would… You know I get very restless at night.” I tell her. The nightmares are surreal, and everyone that lives in ward 12 knows the screech of fear if they don’t scream themselves.

“Exactly!” she exclaims. I’m not following. I squint my eyes at her telling her so. “Nobody else but the two of you have extreme nightmares, so I was thinking, if it’s okay, that you guys could perhaps warm up to each other. It could really have a big impact on how you view the night terrors when you have another who has the same emotions and experience running through their head.”

That sounds pretty legit, but it sounds more like a hypothesis with no experimentation done. It sounds like she just grouping us now, but could it work? Keeping the night owls together so they can share restlessness?

“And should it backfire?”

“If there is anything wrong we’ll move him another room, but I think this’ll work out fine.” she spewed with confidence.

“Hopefully. Is there anything I should know about him?” I ask.

“Not much I can say, unless he says so himself, but he’s been through alot. Just had an honorable discharge from the military. Poor Babe.”

Oh. A number of things could have happened that led him to this place. There are so many things out there that can truly scar a soldier, many of which are just never meant to be seen.

“Hmmm…” A moment of silence passed between us. Probably for the loss of Levi’s sanity. I snapped out of my trance when Dr. Varrow started walking towards the door. 

“Well let me get you back to the common room, Armin. I’m sure you have warm Sina Hospital welcome to give.” she giggled. I was about to smile too, until I noticed a shadow in the corner of my eye. I moved along without looking back

Awww… Always so insensitive aren’t you Dearie?

I talk to Dr. Varrow about going outside to meditate tomorrow. Were booked together next session which is in a couple of days. When she opens the common room for me I wish my demon would stay behind the shut doors with her. He seemed content with silently trailing behind me while I head to me room…. With my new roommate.

Oh, what do we have here? A friend? I don’t think so.

Well, I was so looking for torment today anyway.

Entering my room, The raven haired man doesn’t make a move to acknowledge me. I cross over to my side of the room in which I notice that some of the staff had hastily moved so of my belongings from the other side. Yeah, they're not the best with planning things out. 

“Why are you staring?” The question came out of nowhere. I didn’t think Levi would approach me first.

“Sorry. I didn’t look like you cared.”

“Hmmm… So you're Armin right?” He didn’t look at me as put aways. He noted the dust on top of the dresser with disdain.

“Yeah,” I simply said. “Has Juan said anything about me? I’m curious.” I ask him.

Levi turned to me. “The one with the scar right here?” He pointed to his jawline under his earlobe. I give him a nod. “Yeah, he doesn’t seem like he’s a friend of yours, no?”

“He’s… How do I put this lightly… a dick…. Yeah…” I chuckle to myself. Levi quirked an eyebrow at me.” We sat in silence as Levi put some more books and whatever he was allowed into his assigned drawers. I felt a bit odd knowing that my room is no longer just ‘mine’, and neither is it Eren’s-. 

-Eren! Must you always talk about that blubbering fool!

The sudden screech caused me to jolt, which Levi didn't notice thankfully. I glared at the offending shadow before settling. I really didn’t expect it to suddenly shut after being so calm and quiet. Then it begins to go on a rant, about loyalties and where I should lie them, and it’s glorious empire, and yadda, yadda, yadda it was like listening to paint dry. I banged my head on the metal pole at the head of my bed a couple time while it continued to fill my brain with nonsense I’ve heard a thousand times. I flipped over on my back.

“Oh my gosh, would you just shut it for a moment?”

“....What?”

Oh yeah, Levi.

I looked over to him trying to block out It’s rant.

“Sorry Levi, I have an imaginary little demon over there that doesn’t know when to shut up.” I say frustratedly.

… I swear sometime I want to kill you, one day you’ll regret this you stubborn mule. How could you refuse such happiness. Once you get over you tantrum and realize what best for us …..

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Levi’s furrowed his eyebrows still confused at what I was trying to say.

“Schizophrenia.” I stated. He seemed to get it now.

By the way, we need to get rid of this Levi here immediately, I like having my privacy with you, as much as you love that shaggy fool. Maybe we could could cut him up to pieces and stuff him in the bathroom floor hmmm? You always seemed to like that story? Or perhaps the one with the cutting of the-

“I’m gonna go see Eren, let me know if ya need anything.” With that being said I went out to the common room to the wall with the love seat and collapsed into Eren side and groaned.

“You okay?” Eren asked.

“He won’t shut up!” I say, as lay myself across his legs.   
“Levi?” Eren questioned.

“No, not Levi,” I started.

“Oh nevermind.” he realized.

He shuffled his legs making himself comfortable then patted my back soothingly as he has done many times before.

“Oh… Sorry, Armin.” He began to thread his fingers through my locks.

OI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THAT BOY WILL BE THE END OF YOU!

I squirm in Eren arms, eyes shut tight. The sound of my demon's voice begins to warp and screech in my mind, and although my ears weren't being damaged in reality it sure felt like they start bleeding any moment now.

“Armin, do I need to…”

THE END THE END THE END THE END THE END THE END THE-

It wouldn't stop and I just placed my hands over my head and waited… and waited .. and waited. This torture would be over at somepoint.

Sweet silence. Finally

I open my eyes again, vision blurry with tears. Eren looked at me as if he’d seen a ghost. Sorry. I must have frightened him.

“I’m okay,” I say to Eren, who hugs me, wishing he could help at times like this. But he doesn’t know that what he does is enough for me. I sit up only to find Reiner with a small plastic cup with water, hovering next to him is Bertholdt. “Thank you,” I sigh and down the cup quickly and put it aside while the duo went back to their spot, probably watching some documentary. I lay my body back down, resting my eyes. Where’s our monitor? Who cares, It finally went away…

. . .

My little cat nap ended up being cut short because of Eren shaking my arm

“Ehhh?”

“It’s Levi, gotta show him the ropes or something like that.” Eren’s voice piped up.

“I’m busy. Have someone else do it,” I mumble.

I heard a scoff immediately after I said that. I peek up to see Levi looking down at me.  
“I see you are indeed very busy.”

“Yup,” I state.

“Armin!” Eren scorned me. I smile at him.

“I was just messin’ around..” I sat up, and forced Eren to scooch over as well. “Take a seat.” I patted the space next me, even though it was kinda small….uh… really small.

His lifeless eyes looked at the spot I’d offered him. “No thanks,” He stated.

“You know, I’m kinda surprised no one jumped in to tell you already, I thought you would’ve been snatched up by Florence’s little clan.”

Levi didn’t seem to be intrigued by what I said.

“Oh yeah,” Eren continued. “They hate the rest of us for some reason, but really don’t like Armin for some reason.” I scoff at him ‘for some reason’ my ASS.

“If they had a religion I would be their Satan,” I say to Eren. This elicited a grin from the newcomer, although his grin was so small you could hardly see it unless you were as close to him as I am. Eren and I laughed, even though I know it’s to hide the pain. Kinda odd how our minds defense system works, eh?

“Anyway, Levi, Mr. Popular, our schedule can be wonky, so we end up just hangin around here most of the time.” Eren said to Levi.

He crossed his arms and hummed at his explanation.

“Yeah, but almost everyday we do some weird activity,” Eren started before immediately reminiscing about past activities we’ve done. “Remember when they gave us that thing where we had to, like, use marshmallow and toothpick to make a statue?” he directed the question to me. 

“Yeah that was actually pretty fun,” Eren didn’t like it when we were timed though. Got really pissy about it when the tower fell after the time ended. Levi raised an exasperated eyebrow, silently listening to our story. It didn’t seem like he cared too much though.

“Do we have something like that today?” Levi gruffly asked.

“Yep, in the next hour or two.” I told him.

The raven haired man seemed to contemplate on the odd schedule here, before walking away, mumbling a thanks. He went off to the bedrooms, where he would most likely be brooding about his stay or remembering the people who brought him here. I remember doing the same thing and watching others go through denial about their broken mentality. Eren and I waited for his body to leave the room before gossiping about him. He didn’t really seem out of sort, but what could be excessive enough to be brought to ward twelve? Most of us have problems that may last a lifetime, like Florence, who's a sociopath. That’s really hard to ‘cure’ so to say, but I can see the Docs are trying to give him a more humanizing perspective of life before letting him go, if they will.

Eren told me to tell him what happened at night, when I spent the night in Levi’s company, tomorrow morning, I grinned at him and said ‘Of course, Eren’. That’d be cruel of me to hold such information from my gossiping buddy. Reiner isn’t one for talking about such ‘trivial things’ and Bert always made sure to follow his footsteps. They were the calmest of us.

About an hour and a half later, Dr. V’s assistant came in. she wasn’t as nice as Varrow herself, but she was good enough for Eren not to scowl at her, which seemed pretty good in my opinion. After getting Levi, who was leafing through an old blue book with worn edges, we headed through hallways leading to the gym. What would we be doing today? I looked to Eren with a raised eyebrow, he shrugged back at me. I hope we weren’t doing anything that would wear me out, I actually just would like to curl up on the couch and just chill out, honestly.

“Good day, everybody.” Varrow's assistant, by the name of Janice, spoke. Her voice bounced off the walls and high ceiling. Not many of us responded. “Okay, so today we’re trying to build up your teamwork skills, now it’s important that you listen up today because you’re going to partner with people you don’t necessarily hangout with on a usual basis.” My shoulders and face immediately dropped. 

Who wants to be paired up with Satan today?

I let my eyes wander over the people that dislike me most. Perhaps I would be paired up with Maddox who seems to sneer at my every opinion, or Juan, the man who taunts at the illnesses of others for pleasure, not realizing the lifeless cage of his own mind. Or perhaps Bertholdt, whom I know is scared of me due my reckless mind and actions, despite saying that he understood how it felt. It wasn’t something that can be controlled lightly. Perhaps that's why I like him so much. He's always been caring to everyone, even though he’s deathly afraid of interacting with others. I've never heard his story though, he's kept his adventure for Reiner only. 

While I ponder upon the other people I possibly could be paired up with, Janice talks about the activity we're going to do which requires teamwork. Apparently there are three stages that we go through. One where two people have to function as one, feet tied together and outer arms tied together behind our backs. I look over to Janice as she sets and example with Dr. Varrow who was here to just observe. The team then has to overcome some obstacles such as hoping over blocks. Ms. Janice says she'll explain the next activity after this one. She then goes over to a plastic box she had on the ground next to her feet and picks it up. They had index cards in them which she picked out one by one, and it was quickly realized she was reading out the names of our partners for today.

Bertholdt and Maddox, that are complete opposites.

Eren and Jean… why would you do That?

Reiner and Lex, who had a… history of unjust hate. I don't think they ever really made up actually. Sometimes I see them awkwardly talking, but it's really weird to watch them fumble about.

Me and Juan…. Fuckity fuck.

And Levi and Daz…

Well this ought to be good.

I look over to Juan and he seems to hold the same distaste that I hold. When our eyes meet we know that this could end up really badly.

“Listen, Arlert I don't wanna hear shit from you, okay? Just listen to me so we can get this over with.” I raise and eyebrow when mumbles something along the line of ‘fucking mutation’ under his breath. 

“Right back at you.” I mumble back to him. He sends me a sharp glare that was squashed a second later when Janice began to pass around two little ropes to each team. She handed them to me and I considered dropping them and turning to Dr. Varrow for help. I know I could take a lot of different actions, but did I really need to make a scene? Lets just hope the bastard doesn’t have anything in mind. I offered to tie us up together, and surprisingly Juan let me. Huh, I guess he has some social intelligence. I bend down and lay my foot next to his. Once again, I don’t exactly feel fond of this activity. 

I remember the last time I did something like this. It was in elementary school, on the classic field day that every student loved. I used to get so excited for the day filled with my classmates screaming for joy, but I knew I would get a bit down in the midst of the event because my parents never showed up. There was also the fact that I always got the participation or 5th place award. Way to go for losing, kiddo. I’m sure there were other kids just like me with mixed emotions on that day, but hey at least we got to hang out with our friends and get out the school. When I stand back up Juan is looking at Eren and Jean, who are already butting heads… literally. Varrow lands a hand on each of their shoulders, slowly diffusing them. ‘This is part of the activity, you’re doing good so far’ I hear her chopped words say. Eren catches me smiling at him and waves at me, completely forgetting his beef with Jean. I wave back. I hear Juan scoff at me, or rather I believe my friendship with Eren.

“I’ll never understand why that kid thinks you’re his savior,” he turns to me “You’re pretty messed up ya know?” He bites his lips, probably craving a cigarette he hasn’t had for months.

“Yeah, I’m pretty fucked up.” I chuckle lightly. Nothing new here. Juan still side eyed me apparently not expecting that answer.

“Alright everybody, if ya could line up, that would be lovely!” Janice called out. I feel embarrassed as I wobble over with Juan, who loved to jerk his leg up a little when he walked causing me to stumble every few steps. I seethed quietly to myself. “Now when I blow the whistle, Y’all can start!”

When we make it to the halfway mark of the gym I give Juan a glace.

“We should work slowly, so we don’t fall, and get this over with peacefully,” I state lowly.

He side-eyes me, as if he didn’t understand the words coming out of my mouth.

“Looks like ya got half a brain there.” 

That’s all he says, and quite frankly, I’m satisfied with that.

Suddenly Mrs. Janice’s whistle screeches and I could see Maddox try to dash off with a nervous Bertholdt. Juan and I as they fell, and that was probably going to be the only thing we were going to laugh about together. We took steady steps towards our first obstacle. Our arms keep awkwardly smacking each other when we waddle towards a line of tall styrofoam blocks.

“Wait! Maddox!” I heard Bert shout, and to my surprise he actually seemed to be enjoying himself, even though the tall man was being halfway dragged across the floor by that excited maniac. Before I realize it Juan and I already put our inner legs up and over the tall blocks, before leaning on each other to get the other legs across.

“Not too shabby, for a schizo.” Juan nods my way. I roll my eyes again. 

“I may be insane, but I’m actually very intelligent. Probably more so than you.” I say to him, my eyebrows furrowed. My partner just laughed at me as we stumbled to a tube laid before us. 

“So, am I supposed to get on this dirty ass floor?” A smooth voice I recognized as Levi’s echoed through the gym. I looked over to him, finding he had a distasteful look about his surroundings. I crouched down with Juan (more like fall) and crawled through the long tube. (screech, by the way I suddenly found out I despised being in a confined space with my oh so beloved partner) I can see where Levi is coming from. Juan’s breath stinks. I questioned if Levi had a thing against dirt as we exited the tube. When I exit I see Levi disregarding the tube walking alongside, with Daz, who is probably pointing out that that was part of the course. Juan even managed to chuckle from the action.

Eventually Juan and I made it to the end. As soon as we had finished, he ripped the ropes away from each other and walked away.

The whole thing was pretty boring, from my view, but I could see how the experiment could turn into valuable information for Dr. V. Being able to study minds that are deemed unnatural, is fascinating, but examining multiple of them working in the same environment must be a holiday for aspiring social scientists. I’ll always wish I could be in her place instead. In the meantime I was able to watch Jean and Eren, enemies pushing each other to end. When I saw them finally collapse in front of me, Eren, gleaming eyes and all, turned to me with a look of disgust.

“I’m never doing that again.” He spat out. I nodded to him and began to untie their ropes. Seeing as Juan had left my presence already, I spoke freely, knowing that he wouldn’t be there to judge us harshly. 

“I would want to do that again either,” I felt a sudden calm as Eren stood up and looked me in the eye, a sort of nostalgia I get every now and then. “Juan was an ass, cooperative, but still an ass.”

“Tell me about it.” he practically shouted. “My god! I’ve had some bad experience with that twat, He was just down right bitch ass annoying today. And it’s only been what-” He looked at the clock- “Five minutes!?” I hear Eren give a huff, while I look where the clock is. But not necessarily the clock but the glass under it, the pit, where the control panels, microphones, and seats for the special watchers and commenteers go. I’ve never seen it opened before so I was a little shocked when I saw someone with a lab coat on taking notes. Eren soon followed my line of sight and saw what I was observing.

“Huh? That thing hasn’t been open in forever. There’s probably a colonie of dust bunnies crawling up that guy's nose now.”

“Hmmm…”

A couple of more ‘games’ played out, once more with pairing we’d rather not be with again. Eren ended attempting to crush Juan in the end though which was immediately intervened and ‘play time’ was finally over


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! how are you? I hope your doing alright yall  
Love ya!

Eren gave a frustrated look as we trudged with him to the cafeteria for dinner, the only time we get warm meals. Sometimes I see visitors bring a little something homemade with them, and I do get jealous, especially for the people that don’t care for their family. We ate our meals in relative silence. Eren seemed to be angered by the recent events that I knew replayed in his head. I laid my hand over his, causing him to look up. He nodded at me before looking off to the side where we could see most of the other patients eating their meals. I brought my hand back, and followed Eren’s line of sight to see the new guy, Levi sitting with Daz and Juan. Hope he has fun with that.

After our meal I decided to head out to my room, Eren tagging along with me, I glanced over to Levi, and it appeared that he was either getting lectured by Juan, or the man is just boasting about himself, and his plan to depart to the hospital. As planned, Levi turned his head to me, a blank expression on his face before he looked down at the table.

Making our way past the double cafeteria doors, we strolled down the blinding white hallway to the common room, where a nurse Helga had a key card, I nodded to her, as she slipped the card into its slot for a moment before withdrawing and swinging the door open for us.

“Wait a moment,” Someone called out to Helga. It was Florence, Eren and I headed to my room as the door awaited the other man. “You too, ya dimwits!”

This time both of us turned to Florence, his bright blond hair reflecting the fluorescent lights. He stood like a brick, his lifeless brown eyes judging us. Out the corner of my eye I could see Eren’s scrunched up face. Even though Florence doesn’t speak to us, just his presence irked Eren. I assumed it was because they are the exact opposites. With Erens bright flames of passionate emotions, and Florence's stoic unrelenting passiveness, some spark was bound to happen.

“What do you want?” my best friend asked.

“Just a moment of your time.” He asked. “If you would.”

A moment passed between us, tension built up rather quickly between us, many questions floating through Eren and mine's head. Why would he of all people want to talk to us?

“It’s about Levi, actually, I want to know if you knew anything about him.”

“Not really, I think he doesn’t want to be here though,” Eren spoke. He paused, looking at me, before tugging my hand, ready to leave. I nod to Florence, before leaving.

When we made it to my room… or rather mine and Levi’s room, I collapsed onto my bed, and watched Eren inspect the newcomer's belongings. The constant squash and skoosh of the drawers told me he was digging for something that may enlighten him. The only thing that I think he would find is a photo book, or a diary. It’s not like you can really bring clothes here, since they are provided for all of us. Any clothes that you wanted to bring with you have to be put through staff. I remember last year Florence got a Christmas sweater from his family, but he couldn’t bring it in because it had sparkles on it. Eren gave a sigh with the final skoosh of a drawer, looking a bit dejected. He walked over to me and sat next to my seemingly lifeless body.

“So, what do you think is wrong with him?” Eren asks me.

I turned my head to him about to give him my thoughts, but thought better of it and shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. I shouldn’t blab about what I think before I see what he’s truly like during the night. Nightmares, I believe, from what Dr. Varrow had suggested. But I’m not sure it’s such a good idea, one of us could wake up with rage. I’m skin and bone and I’m sure Levi could crush me in a matter of seconds. Even when I first saw him, the intimidation definitely was there. It made me a bit nervous, thinking of the ‘what ifs’ if a complicated, nightmare infested our night. My mind began bringing up all the nightmares I’ve had, or at least the ones that have impacted me greatly. The ones that felt so real, once I wake up, I act on pure instinct and adrenaline. A heavy weight settles on the back of my head. I know I’m over thinking this whole situation, but it can’t be helped. There were just too many things that could go wrong and I wasn’t looking forward to them.

“He’s a weird guy, ya know?” Eren prattles on, “I mean have you watched him? You could see the tension from everyone, but he’s just like ‘whatever, I wanna go home’. Is it that he just doesn’t feel it? You know what I mean.”

Suddenly I felt hands on my shoulders. “Hey Armin,” Eren’s voice softened a bit. “Don’t stay so quiet for so long..” I peered back up at him.

“Yeah… sorry.” I really should stop overthinking this Levi thing. But how can I, when I know that he’s going to be in the same room as I, when eyes are supposed to closed and bodies shut down?

“Come on Armin,” Eren speaks again. He got up and took my hands in his, forcing me to get up. He led me to the common room, where we sat on our little couch, secluded in the corner of the room. Once I sat down, I immediately closed my eyes, I could practically feel my thoughts crawling behind my eyelids like little worms crawling out of the dirt after a rainy day.

You sound pretty stressed there Min Min, do ya need a little love?

And he’s back. Before I could put myself into the fetal position, I felt a slight sting on my face. I opened my eyes to realize that Eren had actually slapped me.

“Look,” He began, “I don’t know what's going on in that big head of yours, but you need to tone it down. Cards?”

“Yeah.” 

Playing cards had always been a nice way to momentarily distract me a little, even if it wasn’t foolproof. I turned my body so that my back was leaning against one of the arms of the loveseat, and crossed my legs. Eren picked out a deck of cards and we started playing crazy eights. Halfway through the game, long slender fingers began to stroke my back. I rolled my shoulders with a frown and continued playing.

In my peripheral vision I could see Eren’s concerned face. I looked up to him and told him ‘I’m fine’. I really wasn’t, but I can’t go through life whining about every time that thing gives me the chills. Making myself feel nonchalant about it, and discard an eight with a smile. Eren smiled brightly back at me. It sighed behind me and sat on the arm of the couch, right next to me. I tried to put all of my focus onto my cards.

I tried not to twitch as It watched our game.

“Hey, look over there.” Eren suddenly said. Looking over his shoulder I could see Levi walking in by himself. He gave us a glance before heading to our room. When I turned back to our game, I noticed Eren’s gaze linger at the spot he had been.

“Interested, are we?”

“Huh?” Eren spewed, “Wha- No! It’s just that I can’t read him. And it’s been awhile since anything new has happened… I’m gonna savour this for what it’s worth.” he declared proudly. I chuckled at him.

“But what if he turns out to be a total douche?”

“... Then I may just have to kick his ass.”

We both laughed at the thought, even though it really could come to light.

“Actually, I wanna go try to talk to him.” Eren said. My head tips to the side a little, accidentally brushing that thing’s cool arm.

“R-Really?” I stuttered. He leaned closer to me with a grin on his face.

“Yeah! Wouldn’t be cool if we got ‘im on our side?” I guess? I just shrugged my shoulders at him. I just wanted to get along with him for now. I didn’t really need him. Eren and I were just fine. We always had each other’s backs. “I’m gonna do it. You okay by yourself?” Eren asked me.

I thought about the entity next to me. I would be able to handle him on my own. I wasn't a child that needed constant attention and caring. 

“Yeah, knock yourself out.” I smiled. It would be cool if Eren could get some gossip out of him, but knowing Eren, he would probably just start babbling about anything else.

And with that being said, he made a mad dash with a sense of determination on him.

Heheheh… that feisty son of a bitch. I’ve said it a thousand times, but what the actual hell do you see in him? 

It’s voice crackles when it speaks to me, something I’ve become too accustomed to. I exhale loudly. I’ve ignored this thing hundreds if not thousands of times, but it never budged, and it definitely wouldn't start doing it now no matter how much I wish it.

You don’t love him, do you?

It wraps its arms around my torso, and I suddenly feel restricted, in fact one could say I had frozen in place for a moment. It’s shadowing arms feel like burning ice melting my skin. A pathetic whimper escapes me. I shouldn't have felt this at all. It was just my damaged psyche. 

Suddenly I felt a sharp sting in my upper arms. It’s claws had dug into my skin so deeply, the dark deep red blood came spurting from my body. I flinched and gasped which caught the attention of some of the others. Not that they would help. They’ve seen this before. It was nothing new and it was all fake.

It wasn’t real. Even though it felt and sounded, and tasted like reality it was not.

DO YOU? It yelled Why can’t you just reject this disgusting companion of yours?

I scrunch my eyes shut. Tears sprung from my eyes so suddenly. I cry out due to the pain, but the thing is...

It’s not real. 

It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real. 

But if it’s not real then why does it hurt so damn much!

DO YOU LOVE HIM?

Why is it even asking such a question?

It takes out his claws and I gasps fiercely, holding myself closely. Before I could even check myself, the claws pushed into my raw flesh again, even deeper this time. A wail escaped me.

DO YOU!?

Hands on my shoulder frightened me half to death. I thought more pain was to come. No more pain, please.

“No!” I screeched, and the pain stopped immediately. With blurry eyes, I looked at my arms which were completely fine. I should expect it to be so every time, but when the pain brings me to tears, the thought seems to be thrown out the window every damn time.

When I feel another touch grip on my arms I push them away, blindly tackling the person. Why would they touch me? What do they want? I fled to the safest place I thought of and only moments later I found myself staring into the mirror. 

What?

I was in the bathroom, I realized I looked at the door which didn’t even have a lock. A preventative measure, but it was a place where you would get the most privacy here. (people were decent enough to knock)

I wanted to sigh in relief, because I was in a secluded place, but shaking breaths trembled from my lips as I realized that the restroom wasn’t the best place to hide. And the sad thing is, is that I wasn’t sure whom I was hiding from. Re-encountering the very recent events I understood my reason for the fight or flight panic. After calming myself down, I looked into the mirror to find that my cheeks were swollen with tears, and my arms were red with scratches, probably from myself. Everything sounded weird and muffled, except for my heartbeat, which felt like I was about to jump out of my throat with it’s loud thumping. 

I stared at myself in the mirror, forcing myself to take deep breaths. In and out. Inhale… Exhale. I let more large breaths enter my body. I had control now, I was absolutely fine. 

Then all of the sudden the door busted open and people came in. As if I were taking off ear muffs, the voices of my new visitors slowly became sharp and accentuated. I slowly turned to them. Eren was there. I like Eren.

“I’m okay.” I said.

“Oh good,” Eren sighed. “I was worried that you might have to be sent off for a few days…” his voice seemed uncertain.

And that’s when I noticed Ms. Petra behind him, along with… Levi? Great. Hadn’t even spent the night with him, and I’ve already made a scene in front of him.

Petra started to move towards me, after shooing Eren away to Levi, who was surprisingly calm about it. The man’s expression was blank as a sheet of paper as he observed what was going on. But then again, he’s probably seen a lot of things.

Petra checked me over and asked me a lot of questions, she didn’t even have to ask me if I was hurt due to the ragged cuts on my forearms. Some of the streaks were bleeding bright red. She immediately had me wash my arms and sit while she got an aid kit to sterilize and bandage my arms.

Moments later I found myself in my room, lying still on my bed, not really knowing how I got there. A long chuckle escaped me once again. At least I was alone in my head…. Finally.

“You awake?” asked a voice across the room. I turn my head to find Levi in his sleepwear sitting on his bed. I must have been out of it for a few hours.

“Yeah,... thanks.”

He just hummed back and let his back rest on the wall, his legs criss crossed.

“What time is it?” I ask, rubbing the thick gauze wrapped around my arms.

“Three forty-five.” Nevermind. I have been out for a while.

“Oh.”

Silence hung between us. I was too tired to talk… or do anything as a matter of fact, and I doubt my new roommate wanted to have a deep discussion about the strange world of our damaged minds. So I laid there, eventually lying on my back, staring blankly at the ceiling until I couldn’t hear the ticking of the clock anymore.

In The Morning…

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was how refreshed I felt. The next, the shuffling of drawers and footstep on the rubber floor. The awkward night flooded back to my mind, but I didn’t blush because it had happened so often.I just felt sorry for the newcomer.

I slowly got up to find that Levi was gone. The door to the small bathroom in our room was closed so there was a chance he was in there. I was alone again…. well for now at least. I hope I didn’t mess him up too much. It would say that was rather dramatic for a first day. 

I laid in my bed for what seemed like an eternity until the creek of the bathroom door opened up.So he was in there. I could hear Levi’s footsteps cross to his bed before the creak of the mattress was heard. I turned my head to him.

“.... Hi.” My creaky voice sounded out.

Levi quickly looked up to meet my eyes. His face seem to be in a permanent frown and the bland grey clothing he wore didn’t help either. He nodded to me. At least he isn’t afraid of me. I watch him maneuver around his bed, fixing the white sheets. His muscles seem to ripple with every move he makes.

I turn my gaze to the ceiling. How do people like him train like that? How do they discipline themselves like so. Is the adrenaline high really all that great? Because I’ve tried to make a routine myself, and it fell apart within two weeks. Maybe he’s only like that because he’s in the military. Or was. I look back at him to see him reading a novel call Ms. Nonety. The cover was beautiful and old, worn on all the edges. It’s pages were probably yellow. I would ask about but that would probably annoy him. I know it would annoy me. So I lay in my bed silently as I’ve done so many times. The ticking of the clock kept me company as I counted with it…

“You know, you have some mad bed head, right?”

I paused for a moment.

“What. . .Uh yeah. Bed head? Yeah I got it bad.” I threaded my hand through my hair which was probably defying gravity. I could definitely picture it actually, after all it was a common sight for mornings. My bangs would be plastered to one side of my face, and the normally fluffy bowl cut would be all squashed and disappointing. Not an uncommon sight.

As I was about to open my mouth to complain about it, the door resonated four knocks in two quick quip.

Knock knock  
Knock knock

The door opened to reveal Eren, whose knock I had already recognized. He walked in with a ‘yo’ to me and a genuine smile to Levi. Nevertheless he strides to me … only to sit his fat ass on my stomach.

“Eren! God Damn! Get off you fatass!” I laughed, despite the wheezing of my lungs.

He slowly made a move to get off of me, and given the chance I pushed him to the grund where he fell with a thunk. Levi raised an eyebrow at my antics, while I burritoed myself in my blanket again, my head still poking out.

“Ah, you loser,” Eren spoke to me, “You’re so mean!”

“Yup.” I simply said. Eren then sat himself next to me comfortably, but as soon he was about to talk to me, his attention was stolen by someone else. I glanced to Levi, knowing that my best friend might say something dumb or akward to him, not even thinking before the first syllable gets out of his mouth.

“So, Levi,” Eren began. “How do you find it here?”

The other man actually looked up from his book “Odd,” He stated, eyes flickering up for just a split moment, making me wonder, what more he thinks. The quietest people seemed to always have the loudest minds, and I wanted to know how loud his mind really was

“Odd, huh?” Eren responded, “Don’t you think we’re a little more than just ‘odd’?” He laughs.

Levi faintly noded, more to himself than Eren, but he nods nonetheless.

Eren continued to ramble on about the place, never noticing how Levi seemed to not care at all. But as long as Eren was happy, I didn’t have a problem. His expressions were crystal clear and full of excitement. I admired the way he can always pull out the silver lining in this place. It’s something I didn’t take for granted. When I turned my head I met Levi's eyes for a moment. I could have held my stare for a little while and tried to communicate, but I panicked. And since I already looked away, I can’t just look back. Whatever relationship that develops in the place is fragile, and with Levi being in my room, no, now that we share the room, I should be in his business unless he wants me to.

“So, we can talk to Varrow and check on that. I’d be really nice if we could have a little welcoming party or something,” Eren finally quiets after the sentence. Looking at the other for his thoughts. Levi just gave a grunt of approval. At least he was listening… a little bit. His eyes were still on the book. I glance at the clock, 7:56.

“We should head out for breakfast,” I said aloud.

“Right,” Eren replies. He got up, and waited for me at the door, I told him to give me a moment, heading to the bathroom that Levi and I now share. I grabbed my my green toothbrush, wetting the worn bristle, before grabbing the toothpaste, squirting a little less than is normally used in commercials. 

After brushing my teeth, I went for my wooden brush, taming my crazy locks. I began to hear murmurs outside and couldn’t help but smile to myself. My best friend is either going to drive Levi insane, or make a good friend out of him. It’s hard to get in between those two choices. In the cupboard in the bathroom, there was a new set of gray sweats and white T-shirt. Same old Same old. 

Eren was at the door with Levi, we left together in silence, going to the common room where we were allowed out for breakfast.

Sitting at the table, I watched Eren and Levi talk about anything and everything that goes on in this place. Well it was Eren mostly speaking anyway. I could see he was becoming really attached to Levi. I won’t lie, it does make me a little jealous, but who could blame him? 

It gets pretty dull around here and having a new person to discover is something that not only draws Erens attention, but everyone’s attention, including me. So when Levi occasionally answered Eren’s questions, I was all ears.  
Other patients keep glancing our way. I can feel their stares as if they were pointed at me. But they're not. Only one person or thing, I should say, is pointed at me. I ignore It. 

Peeking up from my food, I’m a bit shocked to see Levi asking more questions about the hospital. I’m also surprised at his calmed state, as if he were at a picnic instead of an insane hospital. The tiredness of yesterday seemed to have disappeared. Where were the first time jitters? Suddenly he turned my way and his stare held mine. Any resemblance of the small grin he just had dissipated. I took another chomp of my food. Maybe there was something on my face. I turn my head down and immediately hear a dark snicker. Yeah. Laugh it up.

“So… what’s your deal Levs?” Eren asked blatantly. Levi looked at the other sharply.

“None of your business,” he spat back. Eren puts his hands up in self defence, not expecting such venom from the conversation buddy. 

“ Okay… something super serious..” he mumbled. Eren looked back to Levi and then glanced at me for help.

Oh, Eren was right. His situation was rather serious. I tried to give Levi an apologetic glance, but he seemed to be confused at my facial expressions. Embarrassment burned in my cheeks. I probably look like an idiot. A dolt….

We spend the rest of our meal in relative silence. Even when we were all done, I still sit, not wanting to go back to the common room just yet. But then Levi suddenly got up, put his tray away and then exited the cafeteria. Eren followed Levi with his eyes and when he was out of sight he looked to me. I give him a nod and he immediately gets up. Before he leaves Eren gives me a long hug and then is me over like a mother when.

“You sure you're good, Min?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I’ll be fine.” I said. The small answer almost wasn't good enough, but after staring at me a little longer Eren smiled at me and then dashed off to wherever Levi went, leaving me with me with my thoughts.

Eren probably left to apologize for intruding. I know he wasn’t trying to upset the other, it just wasn’t his nature to do so. Nevertheless he seemed to forget his place as an acquaintance rather than a friend. I hoped for the best for him as I sat there in silence watching the crumbs on my plate. 

I sat in the cafeteria until breakfast was over, and the cleaning staff began making as much noise as they wished. A few nurses escorted me back to the common room. The walk was silent as they didn’t want to talk to me. And honestly I couldn’t care less for their presence. The door was open with a guard and a nurse watching, and even when I entered the room the door remained open. It looked as if they were actually paying attention to us for a while. Entering the room I find Eren and Levi sitting on our couch in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall I love me some comments. I love reading them and learning from what you have to say, so dont be shy about about it


	7. My Dearest Eren

I did a double take, letting it sink in that the newcomer was sitting in my spot, and yes, it was my spot. I have been sitting there for literal years and then Levi was sitting there, just chillin next to Eren. For a moment I faltered, wondering how I should approach them. I clearly couldn't just sit down where I normally did, but I still wanted to be the one next to Eren. I walked up to the two, and gave a light smile. Although I was a little annoyed, I would not stoop so low as to get mad about it. That was Eren’s job. 

“Hey,” I started getting Eren’s attention.

“Oh Armin! I was wondering where you were. You were gone for a while. You alright?”

His warm words made me feel nice. He was already scooting over so I could cram my little body between him and the couch, which I saw was absolutely ridiculous and unrealistic. I chuckled at his antics.

“Eren there’s no way I’m gonna fit in there,” I told him as I hopped on one of the couches arms. I let my feet sit next to his legs. From this new height I found out that I could make some easy eye contact with both Eren and Levi, especially Levi who was making steady eye contact with me. “Hi,” I greeted him, not really sure what to say. He grunted at me. Not knowing how to respond to that, I began talking to Eren. 

“So how are things going?” I questioned. 

“Pretty well,” Eren begins. “I told Levi you could teach him how to play some card games. I kinda tried to teach him one but it didn’t really work out. Figured you’d be a better teacher anyway.”

I glanced down to Levi for a split second, who didn’t seem to be paying attention, but he had ears so he was definitely listening. 

“Hmm. I don’t see why not.” I responded. What could go wrong? “So, uh Levi,” I began, getting his attention. “Anything in particular you want to learn? We know a lot of card games cause it gets real boring around here.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” his rough voice sounded out. “How about ‘Palace’? That’s the one this brat was trying to teach me.”

Brat? I furrow my eyebrows at the name. This newbie wasn't about to come in here and bully his friend like that. We had enough of that bullshit going around here anyway.

Eren noticed my change in demeanor and stepped in. “It’s cool. It’s like a nickname or something.” he stated. I turned my gaze to him, staring into his eyes. He didn’t seem to mind at all. I glanced back to Levi and saw the tiniest smirk decorating his lips. Ass.

“Okay… We should go over to the table then.” I said to them offhandedly, and hopped off the couch. Sitting there was pretty uncomfortable even though it was for a short time. I hoped I wouldn’t have to do it again.

We all sat at one of the cheap circular tables in the common room and took our seats. Levi sat in the seat in between us, though I would’ve rather sat next to Eren. Eren slid the small box of cards on the table and I picked them up. I started to unbox them and shuffle them. While my hands danced with the cards delicately as the cards were already old and worn, I began talking about the basic rules of the game, and passed cards out to the three of us. Levi listened well and didn’t once interrupt me as I spoke about the rules. Even when I finished he didn’t speak, merely nodding at my words. 

It was a quiet game. Not many words were shared besides me clarifying the rules as we played. At the end of our first game, Levi was quick to pick up all the cards, reshuffle them and pass them around. I guess he liked playing with us. It was hard to read the man so seeing physical approval of us was neat. I wondered if his quietness had something to do with while he was here. Only time could really tell. I didn’t want to prod Levi, but I knew my curiosity would persist. I would just have to suffer in my mind for a while. When rumours would slide around I knew that I would be one of the first to hear about it. I played another round of the game with Levi and Eren and it was still quiet, and a little uncomfortable with the stillness between us, but that was normal, right? It was hard to get to know people and having a newcomer here was just a bit strange. Meeting a new person and exploring new territory for sure was the reason for this strange feeling between us. Especially since the patients and I haven’t been out in the real world in such a long time. I decided my deductions were pretty accurate and carried on with the game. Now I would just wait until things get a little more comfortable.

I watched as Eren kept trying to chat up Levi. He gleaming green eyes practically plastered on him. I hoped he didn't get too attached to him. Levi was a very unresponsive person and Armin couldn't see them being good pals for too long. Maybe after this game him and Eren could just chill out together for a while on the couch. All this calculation was taking over his mind and he would rather just lean into Eren's side and read a worn out book he already knew the story to. 

After the round ended I began to excuse myself.

“Well I think that’s enough for me now. It was fun.” I stated, and began to stand up. I looked to Eren and hoped to see the same reaction so we could sit together somewhere else, but when I looked to his face his eyes were already pleading for me to stay.

“Awww come on Min Min,” Eren began, Levi raised an eyebrow when Eren called me by that nickname. “Let’s play another.”

“I don’t … I just kinda feel like -”

“Please,” Eren whined. “Pretty please? With a cherry on top.” Levi rolled his eyes and I sighed as I shifted in my seat. I sighed, still not really wanting to play.

“Sit down brat. What else are you gonna do around here? Deal the cards.” Levi commanded.

My sight shifted from Levis not-so-kind eyes and to Eren’s pleading ones. I sighed quietly once more. “Alright. But I wanna play a different game then.” I told them.

“Alright.” Levi said.

That was how our afternoon was spent. A little tense in my opinion, but it wasn’t so bad in the end. The both of them wanted my company and that made me feel pretty good. When lunch time came around, we ended up sticking together, making a bit of small talk along the way. Nurses watched all of us in the hallways as we made our way to the cafeteria. 

“So what do you think of this place so far?” I asked Levi. He was silent for a moment before he decided to respond.

“Eh, it’s kinda shitty, but I’ve never been in a hospital like this so I don’t have anything to compare it to.” he said.

“We’ll it’s not too bad, right?”

“I suppose so.” he spoke, looking straight ahead. “I’d just rather not be here.”

Armin chortled, making Eren laugh a little, “Nobody really wants to be here.”

Levi grunted in agreement.

After getting our food and sitting down together, I noticed our nurses coming up to us and handing out medication in little plastic cups. I watched out the corner of my eyes as Daz looked up to his nurse with a grieving look (as he seemed to hate taking any kind of medication no matter what effect it had) as he took the medication, stared at it for a good minute before he put the little pill in his mouth and swallowed it with water. I never understood his hate for medication and wondered what his medication provided for him. I watched everyone else slowly get their medication, until someone came to my table. A nurse came to our table and deposited our little cups to Eren and I. She stared at us blankly, waiting for us.

Levi didn’t have anything because he needed to be looked at more closely to see what kind of medicine could help him. I looked at the few pills in my cup and assed each and thinking about how they help me. The two pills I have that are supposed to help me with my hallucinations did no good, yet my doctor insisted that I continue them with therapy anyway. The only thing that helped were my anti depressants. They were a miracle and I was pretty reliant on them to function normally.

“Come on, hurry up. Now.” the nurse scolded me. I turned to look at her with disdain. Some people just needed to not work here. I throw back the pills and chase it with my plastic cup of water. She took the small plastic cups from us and I watched her trudge away. I rolled my eyes at her back. Just because she was miserable did not mean she had to make us miserable too. I turned back to my food, thinking about all the assholes I’ve encountered here, and it made me think of Petra for a moment. She wasn’t an asshole, no. She was an absolute sweetheart and I enjoyed her company very much. She’s one of the best employees here actually. She just went with the flow and made our well being her priority. Not many put that much dedication in this work, and I get it. Us patients should never be the focus of anyone's life, but Petra’s relentless dedication was still heavily appreciated.

Levi turned to Eren and mummbled something I didnt pay attention to as I was too busy looking at that stupid nurse and hoping she would leave us alone. However when I heard Eren’s continuous loud voice I looked over to him, to find that he was explaining what the workers here were like and how they could be foul creatures. I listened respectfully and nodded at his word because it really was a huge problem here, and from what I’ve heard it was a problem in other hospitals too. It was the one thing that everyone in ward 12 could agree upon. I finished my food as Levi listened to Eren’s stories. Eren’s eyes remained focused on Levi as he spoke. It made me feel a little excluded but I knew he was just excited to talk to Levi. 

Eren used wild hand gestures as he dealt out gossip on a few nurses. There was this one named Mary who would abuse the patients she was in charge of while she worked here. She had picked and prodded on Bertholdt for a few months and purposefully agitated Florence to see his reactions. There were few instances where she caused some of us to see red and cause a problematic event for all of us. She didn't stay long but she was still awful to be around the time she was here.

I ate my food and listened to Eren ranting about his experiences with some other nurses. When I looked over to Levi he held onto his blank expression, but I could see he was listening, though I couldn't tell if he was paying attention to Eren out of politeness, curious, or for the sake of gathering information. Levi was still an odd character to me, and I couldn’t grasp what he really thought of me or Eren. He played cards with us and it seemed like he was having an alright time, but that could come out sheer boredom. I also noticed that he seemed to like Eren more than me. That’s cool with me by itself because I also like myself more than me, but most people tend to shy away from Eren due to his abrasive nature.

I just needed to know what Levi wanted with my Eren.

My Eren. I looked to him as he finished his story with a snide remark and arms crossed.

“Some people just don’t deserve to live,” Levi’s rough voice sounded out. I snapped my head up, surprised he would say that, but he was kinda right. Humans can be insanely cruel. I let my posture relax again and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “I can already think of some people who need to have their living privileges revoked.”

Levi's head turned to Eren’s and I could see a grin form on his face. That was the first time I had ever seen him hold an expression that didn’t look like pure boredom. 

“Living privileges, huh?” he breathed out, clearly amused.

“Yeah. You like it?” Eren laughed.

“... Sure.” Levi replied.

It wasn’t long until our under seasoned food was finished and we returned to the common room. Upon our return, we found Dr. Varrow waiting for us along with some nurses waiting to greet us. I wondered what activity they had planned for us today.


End file.
